You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
