Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
