My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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