Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize