Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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