im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
