hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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