she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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