Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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