I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
