Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
