No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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