Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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