Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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