I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
