My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
