...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
