Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
