Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
