According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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