Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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