I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
