Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
