I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it hurts more in the daytime
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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