it was like eating out sand paper
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
