i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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