no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
