I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
