Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
