Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
