Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
