So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
