Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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