whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
