There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great