wanna go halves on a baby?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me