explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize