I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.