I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.