I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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