If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.