I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
