This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
