that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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