i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
