We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
