so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
