yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
