My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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