evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he fucked my hip out of place.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Two words: nipple clamps
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