It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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