I puked a lego.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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