Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
