i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
