his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're a waste of cheezeits
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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