Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize