did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
