if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
