fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
