well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She needs sedatives and a leash
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
