Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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