So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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