Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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