That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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