found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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