I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
