is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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