The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
