We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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