We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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